ARE YOU DEAD YET?

I first read the following article on the Cukierski Family Apostolate website a year or so ago. I was really intrigued by it then and it comes to mind often. I thought I would revisit it today and decided I would answer the questions myself. So I am posting it for your contemplation. The original article contains the questions and Wendy Cukierski's comments. I have added my own comments on the questions under hers:


Are You Dead Yet?

An odd sounding question at first until we realize what is meant by it....

Many folks do not realize that we must DIE TO SELF in order to GROW!

Now let's do a little soul searching to see if we truly know what it means to "die to self":

When you are forgotten or neglected and you don't hurt with insult, but your heart is happy, THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

Wendy's comment: Our family is "different". We are so radically different than those "in the world" that we are often forgotten or insulted by others. Before I learned to to "die to self", I would spend many a day feeling hurt and my heart was certainly not happy. I have learned over the years that in order to truly follow Christ, we would most likely experience daily crosses. If we can embrace these crosses, we will be "dying to self" and will have a happy heart! Of course, the world does not understand this and we need to be an example :-).

My Comments: This is one that I really need to work on! I often complain when I am feeling neglected. I complain to my husband, listing for him all the things I do each day. I even complain to my kids that they are ungrateful and selfish when I am feeling unappreciated. I try, though, when I am feeling that way, to say a prayer asking God to make me humble and to give me a servant's heart. I remember seeing Mother Angelica, on Mother Angelica Live! Classics on EWTN, talking about the antidote to these kinds of feelings (pride, jealousy, pettiness) was to pray for the exact opposite of what you are feeling. So if you are feeling jealous of someone you should pray for them to be blessed with more and if you are feeling prideful or selfish you should pray for humility, and to be less noticed, but happy of heart.

When your advice is disregarded, your opinions ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart, and take it all in patient, loving silence, THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

Wendy's comment: Not many folks like to take advice from folks who have 11 children, home educate and are what they term "religious fanatics". So, we've learned this one fairly well! It's not easy and we must constantly check ourselves for anger and remember that loving silence is the best remedy.

My comments: I think I am learning this one best right here in this election year, especially now that the election is close. I have so many friends who are liberal, even Catholic friends who believe they can be pro-choice and cast their votes that way... I try in these discussions to teach lovingly, but I am learning when it is best to shut my mouth, go home, and pray. People will learn best by our example and not by our talking, or worse, arguing with them.

When you lovingly and patiently bear disorder, irregularity, unpunctuality, and annoyance...and endure it as Jesus endured it, THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

Wendy's comment: Sleepless nights, potty training and all things associated with parenting came to mind. When you have children, this is the first place you need to "die to self"! I'm glad to report my children are working with me on this one!

My comment: I have to say that I have pretty much the same answer as Wendy on this one! Having a large, and still growing, family is definitely a great opportunity to work on bearing disorder with patience! Being pregnant with number 5 is adding to the challenge for me. Just tonight we were leaving the Generations of Faith program at our church, and it had been a long night, and I was having trouble gathering the kids up, and I was sooo tired, and the baby was cranky, and my varicose veins hurt, and, well, I had a melt down. Not an angry yelling at everyone meltdown, but an "I'm so tired I can't go on for one more minute meltdown." I was crying and crying and when I got to my car all I could think about was how much harder Jesus had it carrying His cross, bleeding, exhausted, uphill to His death, and yet he never complained. I need to suck it up a little better next time!

When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation or record your own good works, or itch for praise after an accomplishment. When you can truly love to be unknown, THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

Wendy's comment: There are days I think I have this one conquered, but it is a continual process. The evil one likes to creep in and say "Hey, that was quite an accomplishment and good work...let's make some noise about it!" To that I must always reply "Jesus is the only one who needs to know and HE already does! So there!"

My comment: This brings to mind one of my favorite saints, St. Therese Lisieux, the Little Flower. She said, "I have never wished for human glory, contempt it was that had attraction for my heart; but having recognized that this again was too glorious for me, I ardently desire to be forgotten." I try to remember this in my prayers and ask Our Lord for humility.

When you can see your brother or sister prosper and can honestly rejoice with them, and feel no envy even though your needs are greater, THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

Wendy's comment: I thought I did not have a problem with this as I truly did rejoice when my siblings or friends prospered! In fact, I was thrilled for them! I was ready to pat myself on the back for actually having something I didn't need to "work on". WRONG! Just before I could rejoice in thinking I truly had no envy, it hit me. I WAS envious when folks who had hurt me or my family, prospered. So, come to find out I needed a little work (okay, a lot of work!).

My comment: I think God has blessed me with all these children to help me work on this one! I was raised pretty much upper middle class, and with no siblings, so I was used to having nice things and getting all of what I needed, and often just wanted, when I needed or wanted it. Not that I was spoiled. I think my parents did a good job trying not to spoil me, but when you have the money, and no other children to worry about, you don't need to say no as often as other families might have to. Anyway, so now it is a lot harder to come up with funds for every little thing I want, and I have learned (am learning) to live with that. But another aspect of it is when we see all of our old friends. So many of our friends have chosen to have only one or two children, so now they are in a place in life where they can go and do so many more things than we can go and do. They go out to dinner, go on vacation together, hire babysitters more often... That can be hard to watch. I always remind myself though, about the antidote prayer, and when I am feeling a little envious of something they may be up to, I pray for them to have more blessings, and even take some of my share and bless them with the things that may have been meant for me. It does make my heart lighter when I do that. But, oh, that challenge comes up over and over again!

When you are content with any food, any offering, any raiment, any climate, any society, THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

Wendy's comment: The words "cold coffee" and "rainy days" came to my mind when I first read this. I think we can all relate. I'm trying to make an effort to rejoice irregardless of the above situations. It's hard, very hard....but..what an example for our children and the rest of the world! Truly dying to self is no easy task!

My comment: I'd like to say, oh I'm good with this one! Because I really am a pretty laid back person. But I know I've been to events and such, where there wasn't much of anything I like served, and I felt hungry and grumpy - not exactly synonymous with contentment! Also, I am pretty particular with my clothes. I'd rather have less and have nice ones, so I still need to work on this!

When you can take correction, when you can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly, with no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart, THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

Wendy's comment: This is probably the hardest one for me! I'm a "work" in process and will continue to be.

My comment: All of these questions are about pride and this one may be the most difficult. Pride is the very worst sin, I think. It is the very sin of Lucifer! It was his pride that caused him to be cast out of Heaven. Pride is at the root of all things that make us unhappy and separate us from God. For me this particular challenge above doesn't come up much, I'm not often in a situation where correction would happen, but I know that when it does, I probably fail this test every time. This kind of humility can only be achieved with lots of prayer and the grace of God. Let us all continue to pray for humility and a humble, servant's heart! That we might be pleasing to Our Lord in this way!

In Luke 9:23-25 we find the reason WHY we must DIE to SELF! Jesus states: "If anyone wishes to come after Me and be my disciple, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whosoever will save his life, shall lose it, and whoever shall lose his life for My sake will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and suffer the loss of his immortal soul."

Now that we know WHY we need to "die to self", let us ask Jesus to help us! , pray for us as we promise to keep all who visit this page in our daily prayers.

"Those Who believe in me, even though they die, will live." - John 11:25

May God bless you all! Wendy