While, I'm not sure my story will live up to the wait, I will tell it to you anyhow, as it really demonstrated to me the Blessed Mother's love for us and her desire to see us in communion with Jesus.
I was raised Catholic, in the sense that my mother had been raised Catholic and knew that it was her duty to have me catechized and ensure that I receive the sacraments. But at home, we didn't practice much of our religion and my mother herself will tell you she is not very religious. So I was sent off to CCD and although, alot of people my same age accuse catechists in that time frame of poorly catechizing us (and maybe they did) I cannot say for sure that that was my problem. Like learning a foreign language in school, if you don't use what you've learned, you're not going to retain it.
I will say this, I think I have always been not far from God, because there have been several times in my life when I sought Him out on my own. During high school for instance I had some level of spiritual awakening and I found myself heading over to confession on Wednesdays after school, totally on my own, almost randomly. My family didn't go to Mass much, but during that time I recruited a friend to start attending with me on Saturday evenings and I would stay at her house so my mom didn't even know what was going on. See how weird my religious upbringing was? Who hides the fact that she is attending Mass from her mother?
Anyway, that didn't hold on for long, maybe due to lack of encouragement and by my twenties I was not practicing anything at all. I was very steeped in relativism and felt that if I wasn't hurting any body, or was in general a "good" person, then I was going to be fine. But as I said before, I must not have ever been too far from God, for I know there were times when I struggled with the levels of my sin, and during that time being a "good" person wasn't all that comforting to me. When you sin it always starts out small. But each little sin kills part of your soul and your conscience, until you are just full of holes, and soon you are seeing your way clear to all kinds of things. And so it went with me, but I know I felt the tug of God often.
In my mid-twenties I met a man who appealed to me simply because his family was devoutly Catholic. Funny how, as far from the Church as I was at that point, that instantly appealed to me. While his parents were devout practicing Catholics, he himself was quite liberal, which is probably the only reason that I appealed to him! Anyway, after only 3 weeks we were engaged and within 6 months we were married. This was my first husband. I have since had that marriage annulled, but that's a whole different story, which I am sure I will share at another time.
The reason I tell you all of this is because my former in-laws gave me a gift. A Rosary. And, although I knew what it was, I had no idea how to use it. So they also gave me a little booklet which I tucked away and never touched.
Fast-forward, a year later I am separated and going through the divorce process. But I still greatly admired his parents and their faith. I just knew that whatever it was they had, I wanted it. I had always been so embarrassed around them that I didn't really know anything about being a Catholic. So one evening I sat there and thought, I am going to go memorize that Rosary. All of the prayers, all of the mysteries and which days you say what, I am going to go
memorize them. I never once thought about praying, I just decided I was going to memorize. But the way my brain works, the easiest way for me to memorize is just to recite. So every night I recited the Rosary, using the booklet and saying the mysteries appropriate for that day. And it became a habit. I still never thought about, or even realized, that I was
praying the Rosary, but I was very happy and proud to have memorized it. It made me feel very Catholic.
Time went by and I met my now husband and we were married. I still was not following all Church teaching, was not completely obedient to the Magesterium, but heading in that direction. I would say the whole process from the time I started saying that Rosary until the time everything clicked, took about 6 years. But I had decided during that time to join a Faith Sharing group and knowing that I was still liberal in my views a friend there said to me, "Do you believe Jesus is God?" and I said, "Of course I do." And she said, "Then why call Him a liar?" And I said, "I would never call Him a liar." And she said, "Then why don't you believe all He said?" And I realized that I didn't even
know all He had said, but it didn't take much looking to understand that He had said to be obedient. So I became obedient even before I understood why the Church teaches what she teaches, and now, of course, I am not only obedient, but am clear in my understanding.
So in a 6 year period I changed everything about myself in a complete 180. Even more amazing was the fact that my husband did a 180 himself along the way without missing a beat. Telling that to some people one day I was asked, "Why do you think that is? What happened, what was the turning point that made you come home as a devout and obedient Catholic?" And when I stopped to think of the answer I realized, The Rosary!!! That Rosary that I said every night for years! Our Lady saw me not only memorizing it, but praying it, faithfully each night. She knew what my heart was longing for, even before I knew what I was longing for, and she put me on the bus and lead me home to Jesus. And I am so ever grateful.
