Getting Through

Well, as the title of this post says, we are getting through. It's been a difficult and exhausting week. On top of all the sadness and anxiety, my husband was out of town, so it was twice as hard. And I couldn't sleep. I can't sleep when he's away anyway, but I was just a bundle of nerves, between worrying about my son and trying to absorb the shock. I ended up with a migraine headache all day yesterday. Luckily, I am blessed enough to have a mother who lives nearby and she was able to come watch my kids for me while I rested.

Henry has done beautifully dealing with the death of his friend. I am so proud of him. I decided on Monday morning that the best thing to do was tell him before he went to school, because I felt quite sure that he would hear it there and I didn't want him blindsided. I want him to know that I will not shy away from difficult conversations and that he can trust me to always give him straight (albeit age-appropriate) answers no matter what. I want to lay that foundation early. So, I did, I broke the news that his friend had died and he would not be seeing him anymore. When he asked me how he died I simply said, "I can't tell you that, but I can tell you that he's in Heaven with Jesus and he is happy." That seemed good enough for him.

At school, part of the routine in the morning is that they sit in circle time and count the number of kids and then if anyone is missing the teacher asks who is missing. So on Monday they stuck to routine. And when they were one short she said, "Do you know who is missing?" And they all said, "Gavin." Then one child blurted out, "because he died." The teacher said, "Yes he died, but he is in Heaven now and he is happy." Then later they all drew pictures of things they liked to do with Gavin. My son drew them chasing each other on the playground. Our teachers are awesome. I am so amazed by their strength. They are suffering so much but they pull it together and are there for our children completely. They have kept them in routine and answered their questions straightforwardly. We are so blessed to have them.

That same day, back at home, we were reading a book about Noah's Ark when Henry suddenly asked me, "But what happened to all the other animals?" And I said, "well, honey, they died." "Where did they go?" "Heaven." "What's Heaven like?" And so I realized, Gee we aren't talking about Noah's animals anymore are we. But we had a great conversation about Heaven and that night he asked if we could pray for Gavin during bedtime prayers.

Today I took Henry to Mass with me (school was out for a previously scheduled teacher work day) and we prayed for Gavin during the intentions. I thought it was important for Henry to see a community all praying together for an individual's needs. I had Henry say his friend's name when Father asked, "and what else should we pray for?", but as you might expect, he said it so quiet I had to reiterate. Still, I hope it made an impression on him that a faith community is there for each other and can/should be leaned on in times of need.

My older son peppered me with questions so that I finally had to tell him that the whole family had died, but at least I didn't have to tell him how. I am beginning to suspect that he is putting the pieces together. Unfortunately, the murders are such big news around here that it is all the talk at all of the schools, even the elementary schools. He hasn't said a word though. I hope he comes to me first. I asked him to. I said, if you have any more questions please come ask me, but don't bring it up to Henry anymore because he doesn't need to think about it more than he already is.

Well, that is the update. My husband is home now, so all the stress has been cut in half. Honestly, it was an instantly noticeable reaction - the weight lifted from my shoulders the minute I saw him. So tonight I am going to bed before midnight for the first time in 4 days. Tomorrow is the wake and a candlelight vigil and Friday is the funeral. 2 more days to get through. I need to rest up. Goodnight!