No idea what to say...

It's been a long time since I've written. I am still shook up, to be honest, about the events of the last few weeks. I'm still shaken that such a nice family could come to such a tragic end. I can't say my faith is shaken, because it remains strong, but I don't really feel the same anymore. I don't feel the happy-go-lucky freedom of writing down and recording my every inane thought.

I will tell you that today at the pre-school they had a tree planting ceremony for my son's friend and his little sister, who also attended a pre-school program there. It was really nice. All of the kids came out and the school director lead us in some prayers and then the children sang a little song. Henry was very apprehensive during most of the talking; he was hiding behind me and didn't want to be with is classmates, but during the singing he was real animated, singing and dancing. The family was there - the children's grandparents. It was hard to watch the grandma crying during the ceremony. Afterwards, I went over to give her my condolences and I ended up breaking down crying and hugging this woman I've never met before. She said she liked Henry's dancing. My heart broke as all I could imagine is that she must be thinking that her grandson will never have a chance to dance and sing around a tree again.

Here's a story for you. Whenever I ask my kids what they did at school this day, and they say "nothing," then I always tease them that they must have just stood still the whole day then. Henry, who really likes to be a wise guy, almost always answers the question,"What did you do at school today?" by just saying "we stood very still until it was time to go home," just to be a Mr. Smarty-pants. So today I asked him, "What did you guys do after I left this morning?" and he started in with the usual, "Nothing, we stood very still," and I started to laugh. But he wasn't finished with his answer today. Today his whole answer was, "Nothing, we stood still. We always just stand still. Until someone dies. Then we plant a tree." I had no idea what to say. That's how I spend most days now - with no idea what to say.

(P.S. Please take a moment to listen to the song playing on my blog. This is the song that is getting me through this tragedy. I think you will like it.)