Word of God speak

For a while now I have been slacking a bit in my prayer life. I keep a running conversation with God all day long, but the formal praying I used to make time for, I haven't really made time for. Even when people ask me to pray for them, I've been kind of doing what I thought of as "copping out" and just saying an Our Father for their intentions. Granted, I do try to say the Our Father slowly and meditatively, emphasizing the words and really thinking about what I am saying. Ironically, the only time I really ever say it by rote is during Mass, when I am usually completely distracted by my children. Anyway, I've been struggling with this, really feeling guilty about it. I've talked to my priest about it a few times, tried to take his advice, and, amusingly enough, I've "prayed" about it (meaning I've included it in my running conversation with God), but mostly I have just felt guilty. So the other night I had insomnia and as I lay there in bed at, like, 3:00 a.m., I just kept saying the Our Father over and over and then feeling guilty that I couldn't pray better than that. So I finally got up, came downstairs, grabbed my Bible and decided to try Lectio Divina.

It's been a long time since I have done Lectio. It was part of that formal prayer I used to find time for but just can't seem to anymore. To explain it quickly, Lectio Divina is basically a way of reading Scripture and opening yourself up to hearing what God has to say to you through His Divine Word. Generally you begin by praying to the Holy Spirit to guide you and to help you understand what God is speaking to you, then you open the Bible, read where you fall, or in a group you may have a pre-selected passage, and then you read slowly and reflectively.

So I prayed for the Holy Spirit's guidance, and then I opened the Book. It fell directly open to the beginning of Luke, Chapter 11! These are the verses where the disciples ask Jesus to teach them to pray and He teaches them the Lord's Prayer!! I was completely amazed. I read down two more paragraphs and in those Jesus is basically telling the disciples that what they need to do is keep a running dialogue going with God at all times. I felt like I had been hit over the head with a 2x4! Could the Lord be more clear in what He wanted me to know? Here I was feeling guilty that all I ever do is say the Our Father and Jesus was reminding me that this is the only prayer He gave us! He said, if you want to pray to your Father this is what you should say. And then the only other direction He gave us on praying was to continue to seek out God, speaking to Him all the time, in persistence. Wow! I was feeling like I wasn't doing enough, and here I was doing exactly as Jesus directed! I felt so blessed.

Now, I will say, Lectio Divina has never been so completely direct like that for me, and I doubt that it usually is. I have certainly learned much from it and received many graces, but this was an incredible experience of the Lord speaking directly to my concerns and it was so amazing and powerful. I still feel very much like I need to get back to getting on my knees, saying my Rosary every night, and not just here and there, and other types of formal prayer. But it is so good to know that the Lord is happy with me nonetheless and that it is not useless or a cop out to do what I have been doing. God is so good to His children, especially those who seek Him out, persistently, urgently.

And I tell you, ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and
the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one
who seeks, finds; and the one who knocks, the door will be opened. What
father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for fish? or hand
him a scorpion when he asks for an egg? If you then, who are wicked, know
how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the father in heaven
give the holy Spirit to those who ask him? (Luke 11:9-13).